Reflections

fell deep into delusion and tried it with killing myself
finally give away what I never called my own
how can I even dare it and try to estimate
which lies make me stay, take this pain from me

the water shows a man I did not want to see
I hate you, detest you
I know there's someone else I'd prefer to be
oh, anger is killing me

I did so many things, that I'm not much proud of to myself
and I hope time will dry out my tears
sometimes it might actually happen that way
allow the lies make me stay and take this pain from me

I did everything and I tried everything
to kill the pain in me
I tried
I lied

the water shows a man I did not want to see
I hate you, detest you
I know there's someone else I'd prefer to be
oh, anger is killing me

Into Deepest Cold

the silence deep in me
is nothing compared to
the emptiness surrounding me

and tears I've shed careless
may now have filled the ocean
in which I am drifting now

how could I sleep so long
while sorrows pulled me down
one breath would make me strong again
and I should stop to drown
I want to feel my life again
escape the deepest cold
one breath would make me strong again
the more I fight the more I drown

I know this silence, so scathing
is nothing compared to
the emptiness that smothers me

and tears I've shed careless
will now have filled the ocean
in which I am drifting now

how could I sleep so long
while sorrows pulled me down
one breath would make me strong again
and I should stop to drown
I want to feel my life again
escape the deepest cold
one breath would make me strong again
the more I fight the more I drown

I feel the desire to
spread my arms and swim again and
I feel the desire to
fill my lungs with air again
hear me screaming, hear me
I am dying in the deepest cold

One Long Awaited Letter

show me something that won't remind me of you
how could I live without this dream

I just wanted to show you
how bad I'm missing you here
and envoys of desire
are arising from this heart

I know I'm not there
will never be
but still I'm thinking
what if I never had left

I can't say with words
what you mean to me

now I know what I was living for
my conscience whispering
hope is withering
now I know what I should have known before
my dreams are shattering
intensions not mattering

feel so lost here without you breathing by my side
never will I sleep again

I just wanted to show you
how bad I'm missing you here
and envoys of desire
are arising from this heart

I know I'm not there
will never be
but still I'm wondering
what if I had stayed

I can't say with words
what you mean to me

now I know what I was living for
my conscience whispering
hope is withering
now I know what I should have known before
my dreams are shattering
intensions not mattering

now I know

Sirens

a voice enters my hearing
on a sunlight stream it rides
so intense it feels like crying
so sweet and beautiful

it makes me want to follow
wherever it my lead
I'm driven to this sweet tones
where voice and lips will meet

one second it was there
and it maybe now forever gone
a range of vast emotions
is carved into my soul

a space ripped so wide open
it won't again be filled
a hunger so overwhelming
it won't again be stilled

before that short moment
which never I'll forget
I really did not know
that such beauty could exist
this devastating moment
in which voice and soul have met
made me understand it has been the last

A Liar's Confession

just to fit in I adapted
it made me a silouette of what I see
I hoped to be more like everyone else
but now I understand
I lied to myself

the faces I wore did never peel off
and sometimes I feel like
I’ve never been real

and I fear that I’ll never find me
because I always tried to be you
I abandoned myself to despair
so long

I tried to dig through the walls I built up
but the further I reach
the more it drives me to stop

what slave have I become unable to see
that I will never live
until I break free

and I fear that I’ll never find me
because I always tried to be you
I won’t draw the curtain aside
afraid am I to look behind
afraid by what there I may find
still I’m prefering to hide
I abandoned myself to despair
so long

The Storm

I watch the minutes melt to hours
while I'm waiting for a change
I'm the blind upon the one eyed men
not the weird guy just the strange

still I'm feeding on the last day's carrion
not saturated, underestimated

watch the minutes melt to hours
watch the minutes melt to hours
and I fear there will never be a slight change

I'm the always unforgiven
a bird far of the shore
and I have no clue
why this life is as rotten as before

leave me dying, hold onto your pride
and hate me for the fact I've never cried.

still I'm feeding on the last day
feeding on you
yesterday, now and tomorrow
I'll be starving

I am the storm, seeded by your wind
as you hate me, try to break me
you're setting me off loose

I'm the always unforgiven
the main spot of your bother
and while you chose your boring lives
I proudly chose the other

leave me thriving abandoned from your side
and hate me for the fact I've never died

still I'm feeding on the last day
feeding on you
yesterday, now and tomorrow
I'll be starving

While the minutes melt to hours

still I am the storm, seeded by your wind
as you hate me, try to break me
you're setting me off loose

I'll always be the storm, seeded by your wind
so you hate me, try to break me
and setting me off, loose

Dream of the surplus foe

and I've been tired for so long
been waiting for a breeze for so long
as I lay down my head to watch the clouds move by
I closed my eyes and began to fade
Was waiting, maybe hoping
for the ocean beginning to breathe

fear me
I'm the sicken evidence
with these rising waves
try to wash me away

try to silence the insurgent
try to silence the stubborn child

you're just as flawed as we are
unleash your force and erase me
you're still just as flawed as we are
still waiting, deeply hoping
for the ocean beginning to

unleash your force
I'll still be here
in millions
in billions

37 Degrees

I set up tomorrow's thought
and I can't stop feeling that I don't belong here
I am wasting time

death has started whispering
messaging a truth that I can't bear
and I shiver to the rhythm of my heart

no I will not go
there's so much left that I still want to see
have I really become so old

I belong here
as long I breathe I decide
go away, I am alive
forever I'll be here breathing

try to take me, try
you hunger for it
defy and take me

my angel's crying
as he's falling
my private savior
falling down
see him crying
see him falling
my private savior
falling down

I hope I'll live through this phase
with weird dreams awaking me at night
I'll die, I feel it

What was my life worth
have I been the man that I wanted to be
oh, help me, I still can not let go

I belong here
as long I breathe I decide
go away, I am alive
forever I should be breathing

come to take me, come
you hunger for it
come and kill me

my angel's crying
as he's falling
my private savior
falling down
see him crying
see him falling
my private savior
falling down

The Process Of Learning

so here I stand again
restless, hopeless
never will I be stupid again

and I'm through with this shit
Why do I make the same mistakes
I hate what I've become
What I've become

I'm so sick of the days and the years
I'm so sick of my same old fears
oh, I'm what is called an idiot
why do I believe in me

want to recreate myself
never will I be stupid again

and I'm through with this shit
standing here whining again
I need to love what I've become
what I've become

I'm so sick of the days and the years
I'm so sick of my same old fears
oh, I've changed the way that I thought
why didn't I believe in me